On the Eve of Valentine’s Day, I sat and reflected.
I had endured weeks of Valentine’s merchandise overkill as you have in most shops you walked into.
As I looked at these gifts, I just didn’t pick up anything of love but more bullying and manipulation to buy ‘stuff’. It lacked class, culture and yes love. My key question has been: How can anyone or thing buy love?
I grew up with materialism being bartered for love. It left me empty, confused and alienated.
I rebelled from a young age against the status quo and conditioning. The world looked like some giant circus with so many facades, lies and deception. People pleasing and blatant denial of the truth when it was super obvious, drove me literally insane. Think back to Hans Christian Andersen’s story of ‘The emperor’s new clothes’. A story I relish!
Nothing replaces love, kindness and genuine human connection. It took me decades to fathom this out. Today I have such human appreciation for the love I have within and from those around me. Not as a partner but friends, work colleagues and even acquaintances.
My parents were not able to show or give love in its true sense. Even overachievement in sport or the arts didn’t please them. Nothing was ever enough and so I believed that of myself.
My understanding of love was severely tainted from a young age. The language of love, as I saw it, was in the form of manipulation, blackmail and pretty sordid.
I always looked outside of myself for validation, approval and love. I searched for close to 50 years for it. Always looking for someone to fill and complete me. Looking for my other ‘perfect half’.
It was rather a ‘rude awakening’ when I realised it was not the truth and that all it did was set me up for constant disappointment and resentment. A search with no fulfilment or end in sight.
I spent 3 years in sabbatical, not by choice, to fathom out who I truly was and to gradually undo all these decades of conditioning I had been put through. At the start of this journey I had no idea who I was. I was lost, confused and trapped in a ‘prison’ that I had created. My life had ceased to make any sense and I was literally scrambling to make sense of the mess I found myself in. I dreaded each morning and each day felt more like some kind of hell that I had to navigate through.
I had to unbecome and unlearn all I ever was taught, as my life crashed, in order to find the truth of who I was.
Others opinions and perceptions had clouded the truth of who I was. My identity and essence had been lost. I had rebelled against every judgement and attempt to control or change me, but the voices of those around me eventually got the better of me especially in my formative years.
The very people I had looked up to whether parents, teachers, coaches and other adults had not allowed me to explore my own identity and uniqueness, but suppressed it with their own desires and opinions of how my life in their mind should look. I was literally being moulded into their limited thinking of how an ‘ideal’ person should be. Never ever considering my unique, special gifts and abilities I had. I was their puppet and under their control.
Eventually they had beaten every part of my own voice out of me. I just couldn’t fight against their voices that unceasingly broke and wore me down. Whatever potential and ability I had had been stripped away and I was left with nothing other than being someone I was not.
I layered myself with masks and protective layers in order to protect the most vulnerable, sacred parts of myself in order to survive. Never living my life but living in the shoes of others.
Eventually my own voice and life force was so silenced and weak. As strong as I was, I had no chance against this mass of constant conditioning and pressure to conform.
As a child one is brought up seeking approval from your parents, teachers and other ‘role models’.
What does every human want more than anything else? Approval, love, acceptance, recognition and acknowledgement.
And so, one seeks this at any cost even if it means betraying oneself and denying your own truth. This is where people pleasing begins. Being alienated, outcast, ostracised and judged is just too painful to bear. How can one handle this at such a young age? One cannot, the pressure to conform and fit in to the status quo is just too big.
So, bit by bit your truth is eroded at and you are left empty, lacking self-worth and without any idea of who you are. There is nothing more scary or overwhelming than being stuck in a ‘reality’ that is not YOU! A box you have allowed yourself to be squashed into so as to make others feel comfortable and pleased.
The masses want people to conform and to be conveniently labelled and boxed to their level of limited comfort levels. You cannot control anyone who thinks freely and lives an unlimited life. It is said that a free thinker and change maker and the most dangerous people to the masses, for they march to their own drum beat. They sing their own unique song. You don’t know what to expect next from them as they constantly charter unknown wild waters with huge discoveries and mind-blowing revelations. This scares most.
As Steve Jobs wrote,
‘Here’s to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes, the ones who see things differently.
They’re not fond of rules, and they have no respect for the status quo.
You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them.
About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them.
Because they change things.
They push the human race forward.
And while some may see them as the crazy ones, WE SEE GENIUS!
Because the ones who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones that do!!’
Sheeple (people who are part of societies conditioned flock/mindset) are threatened by free thinkers and unlimited people. It challenges their safety and comfort zones. Their fear drives them to protect their illusionary existence at any cost. They want everyone else around them to play the game, tow the line and not show up their façades. The worst part is that they have started to believe in it so strongly and they see it as ‘normal and acceptable’. They are so conditioned that they have lost their own identity and truth. They have betrayed themselves. They are mere puppets and people pleasers to what has been indoctrinated and brain washed into them. Never asking pertinent questions or challenging the status quo. Too terrified of falling out of favour and been seen in a negative light. They rather suppress their own opinions, desires and thoughts than stand out from the crowd and masses.
As it has been said nothing great grows from comfort zones. You will never reach your potential while playing societies game by being a puppet or a sheeple and living in a limited way in your own cosy box, you will not live out your own life purpose. You are bogged down by others demands and expectations and limiting yourself by not taking a stand and being your own person.
What do humans fear the most, change!
So, they allow themselves to be boxed and chained through relationships (even if dysfunctional), religion, material possessions, jobs, labels, sexuality, gender and race etc. It gives them a sense of security even though it is false. They are living a lie which most will take to their death bed. Never daring to be courageous and stand away from the crowd with their own unique voice and add to diversity in this world.
You are here to grow and evolve in the most profound way, perhaps even make impact in this world.
There is no better time than right now ‘to get up, dress up, show up and never give up!’
Will you rise to this challenge, daring to THRIVE and own YOUR truth?
Please see my TEDx ‘Finding freedom in confinement’ for more on this important subject.
Get In Touch With Me
This is a sign and your call to step up in your life. Release those shackles of feeling unfulfilled, frustrated and stuck. A decision you will wish you had taken a long time ago. It is now or never! Growth is not an option yet a priority in your life. It can be a rollercoaster at times yet it is always worth it. You owe it to yourself and those that need you to thrive. If that is a huge YES and you are ready to ‘shake the trees’ in your life then please get in touch with me.